What’s in a name?

Well, a lot, if I must be honest with you.  Firstly yes it would be wise to mention that I am 100% commitment phobe. I don’t really need any reason not to be in a relationship.  But lately I’ve noted that even guys names have started bothering me.  At first I wondered if I was bat shit crazy, and then it all started to make complete sense to me.  I’ve been sitting on this for a few weeks now.  I mean, you are going to be saying that name forever, should you choose to promise each other your respective  forevers, forever.  hahaha, I quite liked that last sentence actually. Anyway, as I was saying, you’ll be saying that same name every day, all day, for the rest of your life.  Better make it a good one!

Okay so this isn’t very nice because I know that nobody actually chooses their own name.  But the name Marcus?  What the hell.  I didn’t even know it bothered me till a few weeks ago.  See it’s my neighbours name and I suddenly realised that I actually never say his name, because it freaks me out.  Ugh, I know… what a fickle bitch, right?  Also, John.  Everybody has a bloody John.  Most Johns are bad news.  They are exes, drug dealers, politicians, Musician’s we’d like to throw our panties at (John Mayer, anyone?  And ,true to his name, he gets around, a lot), and end-of-relationship letters.  They even named a prostitute’s male client a John.  Because all Johns are assholes.  Also, there is John Doe.  Because when a John is done with you, you’ll wish you (or him) were dead.  Just ask Carey Bradshaw… She only called Mr Big by his name John (of course), in the very last episode of the entire series.  Because Mr Big was a Big Doos.  Even Sarah Jessica Parker had to hold out for for an entire series before Big became John.  We were all glued, felt happy, sad, frustrated with and for her.  I guarantee most of us have a Mr Big called John, or at the very least someone who knows a Mr Big called John.  I have a few mates with a John.  As do I.  None of these Johns turned out to be any kind of good idea in any way shape or form. One John even lost his leg in a vicious attempt to abuse a very good friend of mine.  Well done friend of mine.  Hopefully that John will never forget what a wanker he is. John’s behaved like A John who wrote a Dear John letter and delivered it to The John  and now you wish you were a John Doe for being such an idiot.  Think I’ll mosey on over to UrbanDictionary.com and see what they have to say about the Gospel according to John *google searches*.

Ahaaaa!!!  Just as I suspected… a few poor users also got the Be-John Be-Jesused out of them… Please note I do not take responsibility for another persons spelling abilities.  We weren’t all Spelling Bee participants at school, and some just didn’t participate in spelling at all.  We don’t judge, we can only have faith in spell-check.  Also, although I tried to use this as research, I really can’t take responsibility that some poor unsuspecting girl got herself her Dear John walking papers and now thinks that the Urban Dictionary website is actually a kiss-and-tell Dear Aunt Abbey website.  Nonetheless, it kinda makes my point.

a very extreamly confusing guy. shows that he has feelings for you sometimes, but then might just randomly stop talking to you at any time. veryy flirtatious. manwhore. willll lead you on. halarious. full of charisma. you have to love him. boys are jealous of him. girls are jealous of the girl he is flirting with at the time..
not persistant.
changes moods easily; moody.
greatest, most annoying person on the face of this earth..yet i still want to be with him..
i am soooo confused about what to do about John..he is great..but confusingggg. he constantly makes me sad, angryy, or depressed. its upsetting. is it worth it??”

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=John.  See for yourself.  This is happening!  Also, unsurprisingly, some John’s shamelessly promoted themselves as John Almighty.  What a chop John.

It’s weird, I know.  But there are plenty other names I just cannot imagine having to say for the rest of my life.  You know, I think you’ve seen enough.  I’ll keep all posted on my quest to find a man with a perfect name, although I have no idea exactly what that name might be.