The Breakup(s)

It’s no secret that girls are petty and downright bitchy towards one another. We are also sensitive and insecure. We also have the most intimate friendships because we have so many feelings. And by feelings I mean vicious mood swings. I’ve always been a brutally honest person which obviously created a bit of an issue when it came to female friendships. I’d much rather hang out with the boys, and to this day most of my longest friendships are with those who are the opposite of my sex. I have a few amazing female friends, but I don’t travel in packs and most of my female friends don’t know each other at all. Because when they do know each other, it’s War Games.

Over the last few years, particularly after my Bipolar diagnosis, I take no female prisoners. Being a single mother, you are oddly hovering between two worlds – your single girls friends and your married girl friends. Either way, you’re fucked. The single girls have a hard time creating mutually beneficial socialising, where they include your kid in plans to see you. And your married girl friends are super smug about being married. And so I’ve slashed my friendships quota down to almost a zero.

Indeed, I have become a bit of a recluse, through all kinds of circumstances, which is exactly the opposite of who I am. I guess over the last few years of intense psychotherapy and ups and downs of medications, I have less patience for the shallow side of friendships. Either you’re in or you’re out, and I have learned that I tend to give so much more than I receive. I am tired of taking on someone elses problems, it is emotionally draining and I need to reserve every bit of positive energy I have in me for myself. For my kid. Being in a depressive cycle means that I am super sensitive to any kind of hostility or selfishness. I’ve become ruthless when it comes to friends who can’t respect the path my life has taken. I get called dramatic, childish, get told to grow up. I didn’t realise that external or medical factors qualify as drama. But I have to put up with my family, people I can’t just walk away from, so there is not a chance in hell I will put up with friends who make me feel shit about myself. I am who I am, and I have always been that person, so please, go ahead… *remove me as a facebook friend* because that’s a drama and childish free way of dealing with a problem, right?

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