Jesus. Really, what’s a Chinese Torture chamber compared to Christmas with the very same people who make you miserable. After a 3 year hiatus from family Christmas, this year I decided to completely ignore my bestest judgement and go to Joburg to stay with my miserable father and his functional alcoholic life partner. It was hideous. So hideous, in fact, that I went to the airport 6 hours early hoping to catch a flight that didn’t involve me spending an entire day with Miserable Father of the Year. That guy has more issues than National Geographic magazine.
My family history has made me what I am today, a psychologically challenged mad woman obsessed with making them see the light. They won’t. Ever. A narcissistic father, schizophrenic mother (coincidentally only after splitting from my turned-out-to-be Gay father) and pathological liar sisters. I mean it’s a bloody circus and they always attempt to make me the ringmaster. Well sorry for them, I have good meds and an even better psychiatrist. I see you, fucked up family. No wonder my life long severe depression ended in a Bipolar mood disorder diagnosis. I mean these people are delusional, and only give me more power by attacking me at every corner, stop sign and traffic light. I even got attacked in transit on the N1 highway. How is it that a conversation about the difference between the N1, M3 and R27 sparks harsh swearwords directed at me (when I said that Motorways don’t necessarily have 3 lanes). Well I’m so fucken sorry I am always right. Is that any reason to tell me to fuck off in front of my 8 year old daughter, Grandpa?
Needless to say I’d rather cry myself to sleep on Christmas Eve out of loneliness than ever spend a Christmas with a bunch of sociopaths who literally make me crazy. Fuck that. My mental health is so much more important than a Swarovski crystal leather bracelet. Which yes, I left behind to make a point – I don’t need things, I need emotional support, and you can’t buy me pretty things in the vein hope I will forget about the massive trigger you are to my mood disorder. Well the pretty things would go a long way if you actually acknowledged the effect your gross cruelness has on my recovery.
Off with their heads, family or not!
Now I know there isn’t a corner in the world that hasn’t been touched by The Oscar Pistorius murder trial. I am in South Africa. In Cape Town, thank heavens, far away from the madness happening in Pretoria and, by default, Johannesburg too. But gripped? Indeed I am. Why would I not be 100 percent invested in a Narcissistic World Reknowned Athlete who murdered his beautiful (and I mean her soul) girlfriend. This guy is unbelievable. And a very good example of the typical abusers mentality. Everything happens to him. I, I, I… Me, me, me… Now I have a very keen interest in the psychology behind gender based violence. I relentlessly watch crime channels and documentaries. And when I’m done with those, I proceed to search wikipaedia for even more detail. It sounds a little worrying, to say the least… I fall asleep whilst watching these crime shows. Or I get into bed with my laptop and browse through the trucrime website.
This may seem completely insane, and indeed I have been rendered Bipolar. It’s true. I can’t defend it. Which brings me to the point. Last night on the Book of Face, a fellow keen Oscar trial observer posted something along the lines of Oscar committing suicide. Oh please. Narcissists don’t commit suicide. They do not accept their own guilt. They cannot. Due to an extremely dangerous personality disorder. Someone commented that perhaps Oscar is bipolar. Sorry WHAT???? Obviously I took great offense. Not because I am bipolar, but because people don’t do their research before they put their thoughts out there into the world. I have researched this (haha). This guy’s entire defense rests on the fact that there were only two people in his house that night. He murdered the other person. His attitude seems to be “Good luck trying to disprove my version, I am the only other person who walked out of that house alive.” He really believes he will not be convicted. Alas, this appears to be the attitude of too many South African men. With the highest rate of femicide in the world, this is a statement that cannot be argued with (see – research). My heart breaks. Because if a well educated woman, an obviously beautiful spirit, can be gunned down by her International and record breaking professional athlete boyfriend… We can only imagine what is happening to the women with nothing.
If Oscar was Bipolar, he woulda fessed up long time ago. One way or another. Skipping the country, offing himself, confessing… they all point towards guilt. But Narcissists will not accept their own guilt. Psycho emmer effer!